What comes to mind when you think about Thanksgiving? Are you looking forward to family and friends gathering; being thankful for bountiful blessings; and the feast of turkey, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie? Of great talks, family games and football with everyone getting along?
What if your Thanksgiving holiday experience is nothing like the idealistic movie version, but rather a hectic time of family drama where strong personalities, opinions and traditions result in clashes that take the joy out of the celebration?
No one disagrees that getting along with others is paramount for an enjoyable Thanksgiving celebration, but many may not know how to navigate family drama. Differing opinions regarding politics, religion, even sports and traditional holiday foods can be a source of contention at a family gathering, with everyone wanting their opinion to rule the day.
Follow these tips this Thanksgiving so that you are prepared, spiritually as well as practically, to minimize family drama and keep the peace as much as it depends upon you.
Love Others as Jesus Loves You
Whether in the world or in the Church, the idea of loving others is prevalent. In the Church you will hear, “Love one another.” In the world you will hear, “Love wins.” Either way, love is an emphasis most people can agree on, whether they truly understand what loving others really means.
However, a Christian should love others as Jesus loves them—unconditionally. Jesus said, “So now I give you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” Any other motivation than the love of God in your heart is not healthy or pleasing to God. How could focusing on others be motivated in the wrong way?
Think about your motivation:
- Are you showing favoritism or flattery to someone?
- Are you focused on being seen or acknowledged by someone?
- Are you trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict at all costs?
If anything other than the love of God in your heart is motivating you (Romans 5:5), you may find yourself disappointed, and your reactions can end up contributing to family drama instead of resolving it.
Kenneth and Gloria Copeland have a resource to help you understand the love God has for you and how to daily live in that love: Limitless Love, a 365-Day Devotional.
Choose Words of Peace
The idea of controlling everyone around you may be appealing, but that is not possible. Thankfully, you do have autonomy over your own thoughts and words. You have the responsibility to control your words, words you can use to ignite a conflict or calm even the most tense of conversations.
What does the Bible say about the power of words?
- “Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body” (Proverbs 16:24)
- “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing” (Proverbs 12:18)
- “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare” (Proverbs 15:1).
Using your words to calm a situation isn’t a new idea; therapists and psychologists tout the benefits of choosing words carefully, and even taking some time to breathe deeply before responding to an angry, inflamed person.
How much more powerful is a word spoken in due season to someone (Proverbs 15:23)! As you are compelled by the love of God in your heart, you can speak the words that bridge divides, heal brokenness and exhibit the boundless love of God in action.
Establish Clear Boundaries
Family drama can often be connected to a lack of communication, unclear responsibilities or even simple misunderstanding. Clearly defining who is responsible for what can pave the way for a peaceful Thanksgiving gathering. Areas you can address and agree on in advance can include:
- Where will the gathering take place?
- Who is handling and paying for food preparation?
- Are there any special recipes to be included?
- To whom is the invitation extended?
Discussing these topics and others ahead of time will mitigate any family drama. If there are areas where disagreements remain, by remembering that it is the gathering itself and recognition of the blessings of God that matter, and not whether it is sweet potatoes or mashed, that will help keep the focus toward the Lord and avoid any unnecessary conflicts.
Establish a New Family Tradition
Going on a family vacation or a weekend getaway brings out the best in people because everyone is relaxed, not stressed, and focused on the new place they are visiting, the sights to see, the amusement park to enjoy, or the natural wonders to explore. Establishing a new family tradition at Thanksgiving could work in the same way: It can offer excitement, hope and anticipation for the day.
The options for a new family tradition are endless. Here are a few ideas to consider:
- Choose an outdoor or indoor game to play as a family
- Go to a theater to see a movie after the meal
- Take a walk after the meal
- Volunteer at a homeless shelter that serves a Thanksgiving meal
- Decide to silence phones or turn them off for the meal.
Elicit the ideas and opinions of other family members in deciding what new family traditions should be established. They will have ideas and suggestions you haven’t even imagined. Any opportunity to pull other family members into a decision shows respect and love for them. Instead of blindly hoping your Thanksgiving will be different than previous years, choose to prepare your heart and mind ahead of time with these strategies and resources on how to manage family drama so you will not only enjoy the turkey and pumpkin pie, but you will also enjoy the fellowship of everyone around your Thanksgiving table.
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