From a biblical perspective, relationships are vital to living in wholeness because we were created for connection—with God and with one another. When you are in a relationship that is working well, you feel strong and able to handle anything that comes your way.
However, when you face the disappointment of a broken relationship, it can feel like nothing in your life is working. What can you do to experience wholeness in relationships?
Our relationship with God serves as the model example of how to have wholeness in your other relationships.
A relationship, by its very nature, involves more than one person and more than one perspective. This provides opportunity to the devil to sow strife and discord wherever possible, ultimately desiring to fracture or harm your relationship.
True wholeness flows from walking in love, forgiveness and agreement, just as Jesus commanded: “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12, NKJV). So how can we do this?
Wholeness In Relationships Involves Freedom
Every relationship involves the freedom to choose.
What are some choices you can make to nurture a relationship?
- Choose to be an encourager.
- Choose to listen.
- Choose to be patient.
- Choose to be humble.
In your most important relationship—your relationship with God—you have the freedom to choose Him or not choose Him. He said, “Choose today whom you will serve” (Joshua 24:15). Even though He sent Jesus to die for you, to pay the price for you, you still have a choice whether to receive Him.
And once you receive Jesus, you still have a choice every day to follow God and His plan for your life. God does not want robots; He wants fellowship and relationship with you! He gives you the choice every day to follow Him.
A healthy relationship involves freedom.
In every relationship, you have the freedom to choose every day. You choose how to spend time with your spouse, your kids or anyone else. Every decision you make to listen, to be patient, to be present, you are choosing to create wholeness in relationships.
What does the opposite of freedom in relationships look like?
- Guilt
- Control
- Manipulation
Any relationship that is based on control or manipulation rather than freedom is not healthy and does not produce wholeness. You can learn how to deal wisely with manipulative people. Then find others who, like you, use their freedom to choose God and others every day.
Action Step: Evaluate the choices you are making in your relationships. Are your choices bringing you closer to the person or further away? Could you make some adjustments in your relationships to promote freedom?
Wholeness In Relationships Involves Agreement
Agreement in your relationships may sound contrary to freedom, but it’s not. Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” (NKJV). This is true in your relationship with God and others.
God is looking for your agreement with Him. Before He can do many things for you, He looks for you to agree with Him. Isaiah 1:18-19 says, “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land” (KJV). When you choose to move in agreement with God, you can experience wholeness in your relationship with Him.
There is also power in agreement with another person. Jesus said, “If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you” (Matthew 18:19).
Think back to when you dated your spouse, or another person with whom you have had a long relationship. When you did activities, you were looking for things you both wanted to do. When you went to dinner, you chose places you both would like. It doesn’t mean that either of you wasn’t willing to try new things or places, but you were looking for agreement. Two people who marry may have different personalities, but their core values and the important things of life are typically in agreement. Why? They are going to be walking with each other for a long time!
What if you disagree with someone? Do you have to part ways?
You don’t have to agree with someone on every issue to be friends with them. You may disagree on a topic such as politics, but you can politely agree to disagree. You can choose how you want to approach the relationship in such a way that maintains civility. Wholeness in relationships involves agreement and the ability to choose to disagree at times.
Action Step: Is there someone you are disagreeing with right now? How can you approach them in a way that wouldn’t cause offense? How can you find areas of agreement to be able to move forward in the relationships?
Wholeness In Relationships Involves Love and Forgiveness
You may have experienced a broken relationship but were able to repair it through love and forgiveness. Two people who are willing to love one another and forgive will experience wholeness in their relationship. This is why couples choose to reconcile rather than divorce. This is why families stay together rather than break apart.
Scripture has a lot to say about love and forgiveness. Most importantly, God loved us so much that He sent Jesus (John 3:16), and when we forgive others, we are able to receive forgiveness (Matthew 6:14). Peter asked Jesus, “How often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” Jesus replied, “Seventy times seven!” (Matthew 18:21-22).
The reality is that not everyone will want to repair a broken relationship. And that’s OK. You can decide how to approach each relationship with the following questions:
- Am I walking in love and forgiveness?
- Is the fracture in our relationship based on a misunderstanding?
- Am I intruding on the other person’s boundaries and freedom?
- Is the other person willing to repair this relationship?
Those relationships that involve love and forgiveness will experience wholeness. And love and forgiveness require work and choices. In fact, Jesus said that the way people will know you are part of God’s family is by your love for one another (John 13:34-35).
Action Step: Think about a difficult relationship you have right now and answer the four questions above. Ask God to help you and give you wisdom for the right course of action in the relationship.
Relationships can be complex. A good relationship is built on freedom, agreement, love and forgiveness. When any of those four are compromised, the relationship can be at risk.
Discover a newfound freedom in your relationships, both old and new, by applying these principles. It’s never too late to learn skills that can promote wholeness in your relationships. Whenever you are feeling the strain in your relationships, be encouraged that it’s not the final word. Let the wisdom of God and the freedom taught by God help you generate wholeness in your relationships today!
Related Articles:
How To Improve Your Relationships
Freedom From Fear Is in Your Mouth
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